MAINTAINING YOUR IDENTITY DURING HARD FINANCIAL TIMES

In my public appearances recently, I’ve been showing people how to disassociate emotion from their finances, and specifically how to release the negative feelings - shame, fear, anxiety, blame and stress - that often accompany with debt.

To release all emotion tied to your finances, I suggest considering how you are attaching identity to your finances. We all know what this means. The idea that making a lot of money, owning a nice car, wearing expensive clothes, etc., somehow - in our own point of view and (we hope) the perception of others - makes us a “better” person because of our monetary success or our possessions.

On the other hand, too many people feel that financial reversals (we even refer to them “failures”) means we are “lesser” people, again because we attach identity to our finances. How many of you experience that feeling of being “good” because you have a high credit score, versus feeling “bad” at the though of having a low credit score?

What all this adds up to is that a financial disappointment, as so many of us around the globe are going through right now, doesn’t only suggest the actual reality of less money, but also erodes our identity making us feel “lesser,” which results in negative emotions such as pain, fear, stress and anxiety.

What many people are really seeking when they want to get out of debt is a release from these negative emotions so that they can start enjoying their life again.  

In reality, the ability to relieve ourselves from the negative emotions of debt exists within all people as a personal power that has nothing to do with the ebb and flow of money.

It has to do with choosing to release the association we make between money and our identity. Once you can accept that having or making a lot of money (while great) doesn’t make you a “better” person, then you can also accept that having or making less money doesn’t mean you are a “lessor” person.

With that understanding, it is simple to release the shame of debt, because there is no shame, the debt has nothing to do with your identity.  We become more comfortable sharing our financial situation with those we trust, spouses, family, friends, advisors, because we have no fear of “looking bad” in their perception for having financial difficulties, because the monetary troubles don’t say anything negative about us as people.

Money, like everything, follows the wave patterns of the universe. It comes and goes.  But if your basic beliefs - especially about yourself - are not connected to the ebb and flow of money in your life, then in or out, there is no identity crises.

Kenny Golde is a film director, writer and producer, novelist, photographer and public speaker. He has appeared on the CBS News in Los Angeles, dozens of radio programs including the nationally sydicated Thom Hartmann Show, and has a feature article on “The Do-It-Yourself Bailout” appearing on nationwide newsstands in the September issue of Consumer Reports.  His recent film credits include the WWII drama “Glass House,” the soon-to-be released “Uncross the Stars,” starring Academy Award nominee Barbara Hershey and Golden Globe winner Ron Perlman and “The Job,” starring Daryl Hannah. He wrote and directed for the Lifetime Television series “Intimate Portrait,” interviewing dozens of celebrities and personalities including Quentin Tarantino, Billy Joel, Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Travolta. Golde lives in Los Angeles.